his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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