We're facebook friends in real life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
