we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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