If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
