you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
