Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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