i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
