it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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