Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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