We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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