Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
