you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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