i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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