You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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