the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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