I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
