I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it because I queefed?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
