Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
