We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
