wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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