so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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