Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
