i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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