i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
