about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
