Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you win again, gameday.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
nutella sex= disaster
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
