Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
