I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
