Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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