i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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