Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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