I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
