this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
