he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
