Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
