I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
