i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
