its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
