do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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