please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
