1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
