Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
