Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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