you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i wish my penis had a tongue
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize