she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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