Plan B is the new Plan A
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
