i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
