We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
