So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
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he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
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How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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