can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
