I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
