I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
