i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
