Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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