i permit you to call me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I love you.
Bad choice
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
