So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
