She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
