make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
