Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
