id be glad to
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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