You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
