make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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