Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I deserve this hangover.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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