my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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