My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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