I wish I only lived at night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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