heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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