The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize