Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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