shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
