At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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