I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
