I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My ass is underappreciated
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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