Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
